Nothing can plunge you into depression quite like a horrible breakup. The process of getting over a breakup is simplified in rom-coms and sitcoms: Watch depressing films in your jammies, sob into a dish of ice cream for two consecutive days, and poof! After the montage, you’re ready to continue. However, once you’ve depleted numerous pints of mint chocolate chunk, you may find yourself developing even worse habits – ignoring friends, disregarding work, and overall neglecting self-care. You’ve been told your entire life that there are more fish in the sea (and you’ve seen them! ), so why is it so difficult to recover from a breakup?
Following these ten steps may assist you in moving on and continuing with your life:
1. Acknowledge it
Before you can move on from an unhealthy relationship, you must allow yourself the time and space necessary to reach a point of acceptance.
“Even if it did not work out the way you desired, it is critical to recognize that the connection was limited and ended,”
Therefore, even if it appears to be taking an excessive amount of time – and you’re bored of taking two steps forward and then one step back – she advises being gentle with yourself throughout the process.
If you catch yourself fantasizing about reuniting – or picturing that delectable situation in which he crawls back to you – simply smile at yourself and switch those ideas off.
Accept that this chapter of your life has concluded and convince yourself that moving on will benefit you,
2. Take a step back
Perhaps one day, the two of you will reconcile, but now is not the moment. Your heart is still raw, and seeing or contacting him will exacerbate the situation. Maintaining a safe distance is critical for the healing process to begin and conclude,
If you still have some of his stuff at your apartment, arrange for a friend, relative, or roommate to stay home when he arrives to pick them up so that you do not have to see him.
If you need to retrieve stuff from his residence, entrust the task to a buddy. Refrain from calling, texting, or emailing him to check in on him or to ascertain whether he believes the two of you made a tremendous mistake by splitting up.
If he continues to contact you, tell him to stop. Delete his emails, texts, and voice messages and, if he calls, do not answer.
Maintaining touch with him now may leave you hoping he’s considering reconciliation. Therefore, eliminate him from your mind. Thinking about, seeing, or speaking with him will only serve to obstruct your progress.
3. Put an end to the discussion of him.
At first, you’re likely to need to get everything off your chest by discussing the break-up with friends and family. That is commendable. Proceed to empty it. Storing emotions is counterproductive to progress and can be downright destructive.
Because your emotions are genuine and valid, discussing your break-up with a trustworthy friend can be highly beneficial initially, provided that this friend is not also friends with your ex once you’ve vented everything, that you refrain from speaking about him. If you do not, your friends may begin to shun you.
Discuss anything else — or, better yet, let your buddies speak for you. They may not express it, but they will appreciate the relief.
4. Avoid playing the blame game.
While it may be tempting to play the blame game during a break-up, it will not assist you in getting over him. Whether you blame him or yourself, replaying painful experiences reinforces negative emotions.
Therefore, put an end to that chapter of your life and concentrate on figuring out how to go. Refrain from blaming yourself, him, or anybody else (your meddling parents, his bothersome friends) for the relationship’s failures.
It did not work out and was most likely not meant to be. Accept this reality and go on to something more beneficial,
5. Take something away from it
A large part of figuring out how to move on after a breakup is gaining knowledge from your experience. This encompasses both the break-up and the entirety of your relationship with him. Consider which statements or behaviors you’d like to repeat in the future and which ones you’re embarrassed to say or do.
“Remember whatever lessons the relationship taught you and set your sights on a bright future filled with love and positive, healthy interactions,”
Consider what was fantastic about the relationship, what wasn’t so great, and what contributed to the partnership’s downfall. Make a note of everything and utilize it to help you enhance your general interpersonal abilities.
6. Visualize yourself triumphing over him.
Consider how you would feel if you were entirely over your ex. This may take some time, but persevere until the vision of your new life becomes crystal clear.
Then bask in the sense of pleasure and accomplishment that comes with overcoming him and moving on.
Consider yourself looking and feeling fabulous, socializing and laughing with your friends, meeting, conversing with, and possibly flirting with other guys (even if that may sound a bit scary right now).
That one method to expedite the process is to appreciate the relationship’s positive aspects. Carry those “presents” about with you.
7. Concentrate on yourself
Allow yourself sufficient time to focus exclusively on yourself before embarking on another relationship. Make a special effort to do something for yourself and allow yourself time to reconnect with your inner self. Spend time with close friends and family. Take up a new pastime, volunteer, or enroll in a class.
Maintain a busy schedule, but watch out for overcommitting to activities solely to distract yourself from your ex. This will exacerbate the misery of your “downtime.”
Make an effort to boost your self-esteem, which has probably taken a hit due to the break-up.
Have a new haircut or an altogether new style; get a makeover; visit a new spa for a mani-pedi; or purchase a new outfit that is unlike anything you wore while dating him.
Pamper yourself with a spa massage, and bring a buddy along if you’re confident she’ll lift your mood.
8. Venture forth!
If you haven’t attended a social gathering since the end of your relationship, now is the moment.
This does not imply you should approach the first cute guy you see at a bar, but dressing up and venturing out into the world to interact and meet new people will make you feel better. However, avoid going to a location where you will run into him — find a different place!
If you haven’t flirted in a while, begin practicing; refresh your flirting abilities by practicing on a new person.
9. Proceed cautiously and slowly
Getting over a break-up does not need excessive socializing, meeting hundreds of new people, and flirting with every man you encounter.
After all, you do not want to appear desperate or dependent. This can result in a relationship with someone who wishes to exert control over you or looks for someone to feel superior to.
Simply relax, take things leisurely, and enjoy yourself — but avoid playing hard to get.
Soon, men will approach you – because you appear friendly and enjoyable.
Allow yourself time to get to know new individuals. Whether you begin to believe that a particular guy is “the one,” check to see if enough time has gone by since your previous break-up to guarantee that this is not merely a “rebound relationship.”
10. Avoid making broad generalizations and comparisons.
Not every guy is like the one you just broke up with – and not every relationship will be like that one, even more so if you learn how to move on healthily through your mistakes.
Your past relationship ended for a reason, so keep an open mind, expand your horizons, and seek a new type of connection that is not just different but far superior to the one you had previously.
Finally, the most critical thing to remember following a breakup is a cheerful attitude. Recognize that overcoming him will help you feel better about yourself and your future.
Aim for a healthy new relationship with a fantastic new companion – a connection that will make you feel so pleased and adored that you will forget about your ex.
Take a chance, young lady.